


Brave Soldier Boy

by CommandersLittleLavellan



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Drama, F/M, Fluff, Reader Insert, Spoilers, levi is cool, not really - Freeform, reader gets to boss erwin around
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-03-06
Updated: 2014-03-06
Packaged: 2018-01-14 18:27:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 2,707
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1276423
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CommandersLittleLavellan/pseuds/CommandersLittleLavellan
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>My first Reader Insert fan fiction, and to be honest I am kinda proud of this one...</p><p>Erwin Smith is in a relationship. A relationship built up with mutual trust, love, and dependency on one another. But what happens to that relationship when the the stoic Commander faces an tragedy, and what will the Reader do to stop her commander from falling apart?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Sucky summary is sucky. My first reader insert, hope you like it~

_'My brave soldier boy...'_

As you laid there in the bed of your apartment, you stared up at the ceiling. The sun had risen long ago, having had drifted across your somber form under the sheets.  
Only a few hours ago, as the sun began to set the white sheets aglow, a rustling beside you had woken you up.

"Leaving already?" You murmured groggily as you lifted a hand to rub at your dreary eyes, adjusting them to the light of morning. A gentle grunt resounded from the male who was standing beside the bed, pulling on his white uniform pants. His blonde hair was tousled from sleep and you couldn't help but adore the way his usually neatly parted hair formed that way, just for you. 

You watched him as he buttoned up his white shirt and buckled his harnesses and belts over his tall, muscular form, though it brought you a slight anxiousness as he did so, knowing that he was getting ready to leave you.

As he clasped the last belt, he paused, looking down at you with a gentle, yet unreadable expression, and you returned his gaze.

"You don't want me to go." He said in a low voice, "Do you?"  
You simply nodded you head and gave him a small smile, "I never do."  
His own lips formed a soft grin, before he bent down, leaning on the mattress to plant a soft kiss on your forehead. "I'll be back before you know it."

Unsatisfied with a simple kiss to the forehead, your brought your hand up to the back of his head, pressing your lips eagerly to his. He returned the kiss, brushing through your locks with his large, masculine fingers. However, the kiss ended abruptly, and he stood upright, grabbing his tan uniform jacket and his bolo tie, and heading towards the bedroom door, using his fingers to straighten his hair. 

As his fingers grasped the brass doorknob, you let out a soft noise, making him pause momentarily before opening the door.

"Be safe."

He turned his head towards you, a genuine smile aimed at you, though you could see the despair in his eyes.  
"I promise."

 

And with that, he was gone.

 

So there you lay, still tangled up in the sheets as the sun of midday adorned your bedroom. As you stared at the ceiling, the only thing you could picture was the look in his eyes as he left. You could see what he was thinking.  
I can never guarantee my safety.

He had said those words to you when you had begun your relationship, when he had first decorated your soft skin with bruises that claimed you as his.

Your heart continued to ache with every beat, and you couldn't even work up an appetite, the anxiety too strong that it made you feel sick to your stomach.

At some point during the day, the worry you held had exhausted you, and you fell into a nap, dozing off quietly. A rapping at the front door of your apartment had you jumping awake, and when you glanced outside, the moon now shone into your room, the sheets and walls glowing blue and white. You stared out the window, wondering how on earth it was already night time, when another set of knocking jerked you from your thoughts.

"Coming!" You called, quickly grabbing your dressing robe and covering yourself, your heart beating with hope that your soldier had returned home already. You couldn't help but beam from ear to ear as you ran to the door, tying the robe around your body, and yanking open the wooden door.

Immediately, your heart sank. It was not Erwin Smith, the commander you had listlessly fallen head over heels for, but a young man dressed in a white dress shirt, black trouser, a white cravat and a black suit jacket slung lazily over his shoulders. His short stature made you blink, but his usual cold eyes regarded you with mild surprise at your attire.  
"Lance Corporal Levi, I... I didn't expect to see you." You spoke, as the realization slowly hit you. Your mind began going through every single situation as to why the Commander's right hand man would be visiting you of all times.  
"Miss (L/N), I have come to bring you news." He said in his emotionless tone. Your heartbeat began to quicken and began to ache, as though a pole were digging right into your very chest.  
"Erwin, is he...?" You rasped, struggling to regain your voice. The Corporal only watched you.  
"You better come with me."

You left the Corporal in your living room, rushing to your bedroom to dress appropriately, however once you shut the door behind you, you leant heavily against the wood, and slid to the floorboards, your knees giving way.

Tears stung at your eyes and you pressed your hands to your face, muffling the pained sobs from erupting from your chest and out of your mouth. You heart felt heavy and the pain was almost unbearable.

A light knock at the door made you jump.  
"Miss (L/N ), we really must be going."  
Did this man have no remorse?  
No. No, then surely the Commander was fine; surely your Erwin was just fine and he was too caught up in paperwork to come see you, so he sent his second in command to get you.

You sniffled, wiping away your tears. You got to your feet, dragging yourself to the wardrobe to pull out a shirt and long skirt, and slipped on your shoes, raking your fingers through your hair as you opened the door to the waiting Corporal beyond.

The carriage ride to the Survey Corps headquarters was long, silent and almost traumatizing for you. Every minute spent in the eerie silence had you thinking of the worst possible outcomes, and when you finally reached the darkly lit castle in the woods, you breathed a half sigh of relief, but not yet ready to be relieved.  
You followed the corporal up the steps and down several dark corridors, passing young soldiers, barely out of their teenage years, sitting in miserable silence, leaving you to wonder what in hell had happened.

You couldn't help but notice the limp the corporal had as he walked in silence, but you held your tongue, not daring enough to question him.

You finally arrived at a mahogany door, which the corporal opened. You held your breath as it swung open, only to let it out that there was not a living soul in the room. A large desk stacked with paper work sat underneath a window, and a leather couch sat up against one of the walls. The corporal moved to settle himself on it, and gestured towards a door opposite. Hesitantly, you glanced from him to the door, before making your way to it. The cold brass of the doorknob almost had you flinching, but you held tightly with a sweaty hand and turned the knob.

You stared inside. A candle was lit on a small table beside a bed, the window to your left was slightly ajar, letting in a gentle draft.  
But what made your heart drop lower than anything that had before, was the still figure on the bed. You stood rooted to the spot.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> THIS IS A REALLY SHORT CHAPTER WHY IS IT EVEN A CHAPTER

He lay on his back, his tousled blonde hair fanning out from his head on the pillow. His chiseled face was scratched and bruised, as well as his bare chest, and his eyes were shut as if he were in a peaceful slumber. However, the bandages that were bloodied and rapped around a stump of where his right arm once was, sent your stomach into flips.  
Horror overtook you and you feared the worst, that his injury had killed him, but on closer inspection, you could see the ragged rise and fall of his chest.

"Erwin." His name escaped your lips in a breath as you shut the door behind you, before moving as quick as possible to his side, only to sink to your knees beside him.  
"Oh, Erwin." You sobbed, clutching a hand over your mouth as the tears spilled over your pale cheeks. You let out a noise, a strangled cry of distress,  yet relief mixed into the tone.

His eyelids fluttered open at the sound, his eyes that were usually as bright as the blue sky, were now dull as the sea on a storming day. His eyes caught you in their sight, and they widened in surprise. Weakly but abruptly, he sat up, reaching out to you with his left arm and embracing you tightly as he pulled you onto the bed.  
You continued to sob as you sat in his lap, your arms cradling his head and running your fingers through his hair. He nuzzled his face into your shoulder, his hand on the small of your back clutching at your shirt.

"Thank god." You whispered between sobs. He merely remained quiet, holding onto you as if his life depended on it. You couldn't feel anymore happier and relieved as you could have now, feeling as though you had let out a breath that you had been holding since the Lance Corporal appeared on your doorstep.  
When your shaking cries calmed, you pulled back from him, gazing into his eyes. His own eyes returned the gaze, but he then hung his head in shame, his voice cracking as he spoke.

"I broke my promise."  
You merely shook your head. "No, no you didn't."  
His eyes met yours, and you smiled down at him, tugging gently on his blonde tresses.  
"You're safe, you're here with me."

Even though you tried to convince him, you could still see the agony within the depths of his eyes, the raw pain and despair. Your eyes darted to the bandages around is right shoulder.  
"We can get through this Erwin." You spoke low and carefully, taking his face between your hands. But still, he shifted uncomfortably, his shoulders falling. You couldn't help but feel that he was losing hope in everything, that your strong, sturdy soldier was beginning to crumble beneath your very finger tips. Something was still so very wrong.

"Erwin." Your voice began to shake, "Erwin, please, speak to me."

He was silent for only a moment, when his voice came in a low and cracked tone, "It's all my fault. I lead so many soldiers to their deaths." His hand moved to cover his eyes in defeat, "So many young men and women, gone, because of my decision. We were so unprepared."

"Erwin, they followed you into battle on their own accord." You spoke softly back to him, trying to catch his sapphire hues under his hand with your own. He merely averted his gaze even more, pulling back from you.

He couldn't speak to you, he couldn't look you in the eyes anymore. You felt as though he were slipping between your fingertips and as much as you tried, you couldn't stop him.


	3. Chapter 3

You sat in silence in a chair by Erwin's bedside, your cheek rested in the palm of your hand. He was resting, his muscular yet scarred back was turned towards you, and you studied each of the tiny mars. They were all different sizes and lengths, but there were a set of healing, pink scars on his shoulders that drew your attention.

Two sets of four little pink parallel lines ran up over his shoulders, and you bit your lip. You knew where those came from, and the reason why they were so fresh looking was because you had left them there, last night before all this happened.

Your cheeks flushed pink at the thought, and you looked away, your mind running into thoughts of if you and Erwin could ever be intimate like that again.  Tears began to well up and you squeezed your eyes tightly shut, pushing them back. You loved Erwin. God, you loved him more than anything in the world. Seeing him like this, the man who once used to be the stoic commander you admired and fell for, now a hollow shell of the man he once was.

You couldn't sleep, not after sleeping the whole day. As well as the swirling motion of thoughts that clouded you from thinking straight at all.  
 _What if he doesn't want to be with me anymore? Does he still love me? Things won't be as the same before, but... what will happen to him? To me? To... to us?_

You shook your head, trying to clear your mind, but the rustling coming from the large single bed made you look up. Erwin was now lying on his back, his sky blue eyes trained on you, only you, narrowed.  
"Are you crying?" He whispered, and you blinked, realizing that the threatening tears had spilled down your cheeks. You brush them away with your fingertips, and gave him a weak smile.

He continued to stare steadily at you, making you feel alarmed, uncomfortable. The moonlight through the window shone on his marble toned skin, and reflecting in his eyes, making you yearn to hold him. But you'd had enough of that sad, longing and shameful look in his eyes.

"Erwin, stop... stop looking at me like that." You said, struggling to keep your voice strong.

"(F/N)... I'm-,"

"No, please, Erwin. Stop. Stop saying you're sorry. Stop... blaming yourself for all of this!" You'd gotten up, standing over him, your fists curled tightly at your sides, your fingernails making red crescents in your palms. "No one is to blame for what has happened. Not for what happened to those soldiers, who joined the army to willingly give up their lives for humanity."

He gaped at you, confused and surprised by this sudden burst.

"I'm the one who should be to blame for anything right now, blame me, for selfishly loving you so much that it hurts to see you leave everyday." You sunk to your knees, unable to fill the strength needed to keep standing, and you reached to stroke his cheek softly. "And please, don't say that it's your fault, that you can't guarantee your own safety. That you can't guarantee that you will make home and into my arms everyday because that is bull shit. I chose to love a soldier, I chose to understand the risks of what would happen if you weren't to come home one day. But I don't care. Because I love you so damn much, Erwin Smith. So please... I'm begging you... stop... stop worrying, stop hurting for me... and enjoy what you still have. For me..."

You choked back a sob, bowing your head, tearing your eyes from his.

A hand brushed through your hair as you hung your head shamefully, and fingers grasped your chin, making you return your gaze to him once more. Your heart wrenched at the sight of liquid that drizzled down his own chiseled cheeks, but his lips curved into a sad smile.

"(F/N) ... I... I honestly don't know what else to say to that except," he broke off, breathing in a deep sigh. "I love you too. The reason I fight is for you, to come back home to you everyday. So don't cry... please." He said, pulling your chin so you lifted yourself onto his bedside, leaning down to meet his lips in a hungry, passionate kiss. Your palms brush against his chest as your lips played, deepening after the smallest gasp for hair. His fingers on your back sent sensations of shivers along your spine and his steady heartbeat beneath your fingers lightened your own heart, releasing it bit by bit from the pain and heaviness that constricted you.

You both smiled into the kisses, your tears mixing as the first light of the morning, spreading pink and lilac hues across the horizon began to light the room.

You knew that the hurdles of your lives being intertwined were not yet done being leapt over, but Erwin knew, that you would be forever by his side, thick or thin. He loved you, and you loved him too. 

You'd do just about anything for your brave soldier boy.

 

 

_'...come riding home.'_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, I'd already written all of this and posted it on dA. but I thought, why the hell not put it here? :)


End file.
